I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
