I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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