They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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