Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
