I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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