we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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