So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
