all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
