i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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