It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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