Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
