He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
