This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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