Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
