well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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