they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
soo... how was my night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
