he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
