he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
