There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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