did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
