Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
