pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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