every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
