i think my tv is drunk
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
