then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
