Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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