Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
