I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
