The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
