Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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