I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
