I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
