I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
