Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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