so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
