So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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