I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
