the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
