I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
