i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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