After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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