6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
