im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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