All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Randomize
