having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
