This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
