I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
