oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
