Don't make out with my wife yet
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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