i think my mom watched the whole time
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
