I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
