If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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