i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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