What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
