I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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