They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
