wanna go halves on a baby?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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