Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
