When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
