i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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