Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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