What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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