if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
