i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I AM VODKA MAN
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
