Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
