I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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