she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
