The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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