After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
