And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
