Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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