She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
