Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
