Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
