at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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