so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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