i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
