When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
