I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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