The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
