Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
