I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
